Marital Fight Manual

I don't consider myself an expert on marital affairs. I don't think I am qualified to give out advice in this regard. But we got into the fight with Peter yesterday, and here is how it went.

It started with Peter's decision to take Kai out at 11:30am. I reminded him that he usually goes down for a nap around noon. Peter said his impression was that the nap time was moving to the later hours. I clarified that it is not so, it was just the crazy Christmas holiday schedule that turned things upside down. In the end we agreed Kai can go down a little bit later, let's say around 1pm.

Fast forward to 2pm. There is still no sign of them. I call Peter to ask him what happened. He says they are finishing lunch and will be getting home shortly. I remind him it is very late and I make sure he is aware of the frustration in my voice. I hang up fuming mad.
On a normal schedule, Kai goes down for a nap at noon, sleeps until 1:30 and then is more or less a pleasant creature (as far as 2-year-olds go) until his bed time at 8pm. When Kai takes his nap late (and he can't go without one yet, he just passes out at some point), he wakes up late, he is super cranky and he is still out of control at 9pm. Which is why I was fuming mad. Add a bunch of raging hormones that are flowing through my pregnant body and voila - marital fight is brewing.

When they got home I was too mad to talk, so I just walked away (bathroom is an ideal place to retreat to, because it usually has a lock on it, which is particularly helpful in the space shared with a toddler). I then reminded myself that I am under the pregnancy influence and that this was hardly a felony, more of a misdemeanor. I further reclassified it to a minor offense, mainly because just 3 days prior I did the very same thing myself. Still mad, I walked out to talk to Peter.

I told him I am very angry at him. I told him I know it's not a big deal, but even then I am really mad. He said he understands and is very sorry for getting back late. (I would like to point out that he could have just grumbled that I was overreacting, but he chose not to. I would like to point out that I could have just ignored him in silence for the rest of the day, but I chose not to. These are the decisions you make for yourselves. It's good to remember that.) He said he knows we talked about the schedule right before they left. I told him I needed a minute to calm down. I took a couple of deep breaths. He said he loved me. I said I loved him, too. We hugged and kissed.

Then I asked him if this is what a fight looks like. He said he thinks other people fight more. I told him I am not sure why would they do that. He agreed it seemed silly. We both snickered and then moved on to a different topic.

I know it probably sounds like a very boring way to fight. I think am OK with being boring like that.

Author unknown (to me). Claim it if it's yours!

1 comment:

  1. I think the reason that you don't have nasty fights is that you both dealt with your feelings in a mature way. I've noticed when people communicate not remaining silent, and feeling validated like him taking responsibility and apologizing there is no need for escalating tempers and fighting. It takes two emotionally mature people for that to work, kudos to both of you!