One Thing at a Time
It's been over two weeks since I've written anything on this blog. The main reason is that I am pregnant and sick. I feel like I am about to throw up all the time and it takes a surprising amount of energy out of me. I am mainly in bed, so one would think writing would be a perfect activity to kill the time, but I find it impossible to put two words together. The longer I go without writing, the more impossible it seems to do.
It's like with the books I want to read. There are so many of them, lined up on my shelves, on my Kindle, on my wish list, in my head...that when I think about them all, I get completely paralyzed and instead of just picking one, I leave all of them behind and instead stick with online magazines, gossip and news. The idea of the amount that I want to cram in my head is too overwhelming. The commitment is too big. So I rather pretend it is not there at all and play a dead bug (only right now I mostly also feel like one).
I know all it takes is to start with one thing. The rest of them will not magically fall in place, but I will move one step closer. I do it when our house gets too messy. Sometimes I look around and there is stuff lying everywhere. There are dirty dishes in different rooms, toys spread out across the house, dirty laundry everywhere, including stairways. When I see that, I can't think of where to start. I know that all the things need to be sorted, the dishes need to be washed, the laundry needs to get done, the vacuuming, sweeping, wiping, dusting...but I don't know what to do first. So finally I just pick up one thing and move it to where it belongs. And I know all along that it would be faster and smarter to have a plan - let's collect all the dirty dishes first, or let's just put all that laundry in one big pile - but I know if I start thinking about it, I will give up and end up not doing anything. So I throw one T-shirt in the basket, and then I put one book up on the bookshelf, and then I put one plate in the dishwasher, and them I pick up a pair of pants and keep working with one thing at a time. I know it will take me forever, but I also know that it is getting done.
Just like that - in the end it is just putting one word next to another. A sentence does not require all that much. And before you know it, there is a paragraph. Maybe not the prize winning one, but one that got written, instead of that one from the past two weeks that never came to life.